Stay-At-Home Dad’s Guide to Child Custody

Today more and more dads taking on the role of stay-at-home dad with more and more moms becoming the breadwinner in the household. So what happens when parents split up and the stay-at-home dad seeks primary custody of the children?

Most people still believe that mothers will always prevail, but that is not true.

The law isn’t as concerned about moms being the only parent who can bond with the children anymore. Dads can clearly bond with their children and if they are involved; the bond between dad and the children is just as important as a bond between the mother and the children.

Custody, Parenting Time and Illinois Allocation Judgments

The Burden to Prove the “Best Interest of the Child”

Fathers Seeking “Custody” or Majority of Parenting Time

What is wrong with her that her ex-husband got sole custody? Is she a drug abuser? A drinker? I wonder what she did wrong?

No one ever said that about the father when the mother was the sole custodian. It was expected of the mom to be the parental custodian and when she wasn’t, there had to be a sinister reason why she wasn’t. Because of that stigma, mothers fought like mad to be the sole custodian. Now, no one is the sole parent or the joint parent. But the parent having more of the parenting time gets the child support, and so the war of who gets the kids more rages on.

How to Be the Parent with the Majority of Parenting Time

Ability to Facilitate a Relationship Between Your Child and the Other Parent

What exactly does it mean to “facilitate a relationship”?

Facilitating a relationship means that you can include the other parent in your child’s life. You aren’t threatened or feel diminished as a parent by sharing your child’s gymnastics schedule with the other parent. Or by reminding the other parent about an event at your child’s school. It means being the bigger person for the betterment of your child.

  • Does your child have a picture of the other parent in his or her room?
  • How about a photo album of the child’s family which includes pictures of both parents?
  • Are you secure enough to allow your child to talk regularly on the phone with the other parent, or do you lurk in the background listening to their conversation?

If you are going to have the most parenting time with your child, you have to be able to act in that child’s best interest. And, typically, that includes involving the other parent in your child’s life.

Advice to the Stay-At-Home Dad Seeking Primary Responsibility of the Children

Be the parent that isn’t trying to alienate the kids from their mother and do all you can to include the mom in the child’s life.

Find Ways to Support Your Child’s Relationship with the Other Parent


  • It shows your child that you are forgiving, thoughtful, and generous.
  • It shows your ex that you are forgiving, thoughtful and generous.
  • And, it shows the Court that you are forgiving, thoughtful and generous.

It is a win/win for both of you and by taking the high road. You will feel better and “get points” with any custody evaluator and/or judge since you are able to demonstrate that you can act in your child’s best interest and facilitate a relationship, which is critical in child custody cases. If you handle the situation right, your ex might even repay you with an act of kindness in the future.

Preparing Your Case for a Custody Evaluator or Judge

Remember, this case is about you and what you bring to your child’s life.

You don’t need to spend any time capitalizing on the things the other parent does wrong. I’m a firm believer that you will obtain the majority of parenting time with your child by being positive, by building up the other parent and spending most of your court time demonstrating just what a great dad you are.


When Everything Is On The Line, You Need An Attorney You Can Trust, That Will Advocate & Fight For Your Family! We Can Help!