Is It Time To Plan For Divorce In The New Year?

We plan for everything. As parents, we plan for our retirement, we plan for our child to attend college and save for that. And, as young adults, we plan for our career by going to college to gain the necessary education. Why then, do people fail to take steps to plan for divorce?

People tolerate their spouse longer than they should. They let the steam build and build, until one day, some minor annoyance causes an explosion and then announce, “I want a divorce.” That is a hard comment to come back from if you intend to stay in your marriage. Even those that enter into some kind of family therapy can still have a problem keeping their marriage intact once you’ve declared that you want a divorce. Before you explode and announce your intentions over dinner one night, think about what you are doing and where you want to go.

Understand, I’m not advocating that you divorce. I love the people that ask me how I can sleep at night knowing that I’m profiting from the “dirty business of divorce.” Hey, I didn’t sleep with your best friend, I didn’t go out and drink all night and forget your anniversary, you’ve done all of that yourself. Trust me, I didn’t break up this family, this family was broken when I got it.

You don’t have to divorce, you can seek family therapy and try and repair the damage you’ve done (or your spouse has done). When people come to me, their marriage is over and they want out. I do my best to make sure that they can get out with some shred of their former self.

But enough about me… how should a person get ready for their divorce?

Make a Plan for Divorce

You need to think about what you want.

  • Do you want to make sure that you are going to have enough time with your child?
  • Do you want to make sure that you have enough money to survive a divorce?
  • Do you want to remain in your home or plan to move out?

The Importance of Divorce Planning

Emotionally, it takes people years to come to terms with the loss surrounding divorce and to be able to think rationally about the whole process. Thinking rationally about the choices you need to make, doesn’t mean that you are cold or calculating, it makes you smart. Preplanning your divorce doesn’t mean that you are out to hurt your spouse. A rational person actually makes good decisions that aren’t emotional. The rational spouse isn’t fighting over the George Forman Grill. The rational person just goes and buys another grill.

Money and Financial Issues

Your Personal Finances

Your Career or Job

Parenting Time

If you want more responsibility for doing things for your kids after the divorce, then the time to step up and start doing more is now.

  • Go to the doctor’s office for your children’s physicals.
  • Go to the teacher-parent conferences.
  • Coach the softball or baseball team.
  • Spend time with your child.

Once you’ve filed for divorce, there is going to be a hard look at what you have done with or for your child before you filed.

Seek Support from a Coach

Get Help from a Therapist

Don’t share your therapy sessions with your spouse or friends, however. This is about you and what you want to discuss in therapy. There is no reason to disclose to your spouse that you’ve been worried about all the drinking you do and you want to correct the behavior or get into treatment. All of these comments could be used against you later, so keep the contents of what you and the therapist discuss private. Likewise, don’t advertise things about yourself on Facebook or tweet about stupid and embarrassing things you’ve done. Anything on social media could be used against you later. Broadcast positive, loving pictures of your family or what you are doing with your child, and keep your therapy and whatever is going on negatively, keep to yourself.

Your Divorce Lawyer Can Help You Plan for Divorce

THIS ARTICLE WAS PREVIOUSLY PUBLISHED AT: https://illinoislawforyou.com/divorce/plan-for-divorce-in-the-new-year/

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