An Ugly Divorce — It Doesn’t Have To Be That Way

Anderson Boback & Marshall
4 min readSep 18, 2023

Worried about going through an ugly divorce? If you are going through a divorce or are thinking about filing for divorce, you may be worried about the outcome. Remember that, for the most part, you are in control of how the divorce process goes. So, if you have not filed for divorce yet, think about the big picture and focus on your main goal. If you are already involved in the dissolution process, maybe let this all sink in and re-evaluate your strategy if need be.

First, Is the Marriage Over?

For whatever reason, you no longer want to be married, or your spouse no longer wants to be married. In some cases, the marriage can still be saved. Many people get a therapist when having marital trouble. Some couples even go to marriage therapy together. Sometimes, people just need some time apart. Some people divorce and remarry later in life. Every relationship has a unique story.

When you’ve determined your marriage is OVER, here are some important tips to remember to avoid an ugly divorce.

1. Spouses Do Not Need to Agree to a Divorce

Spouses do not need to agree that they want a divorce, which sometimes sparks an ugly divorce. If your spouse files for divorce, you cannot just decide to ignore what is happening, and making it “ugly” won’t help. If you do, the Court could end up finding you in “default” and then your spouse will likely get whatever they requested in the divorce petition they filed.

Related topic: What to Expect When Filing for Divorce

2. It’s Time To Set Your Goals

Once you start to accept the fact that the marriage is over, start thinking about what your main goals are. Yes, of course, you cannot simply flip a switch and be okay with what is happening in your but the quicker you can control your emotions, the quicker you can get in control of the divorce. Find a good therapist to get you through this trying time and figure out what is most important to you. How you react now will impact you later.


3. Save Money and Conserve Assets

Money is something most people would agree is a big goal in a divorce. Whether your assets are big or small, it is likely that you want them to continue to grow in value. Conserving assets during the dissolution process should be high on everyone’s list because the more you have at the end of the divorce process the more financial stability you will have moving forward when the Divorce Judgment is entered.

4. Consider Divorce Mediation

The more you and your spouse can agree to, the more you can conserve your assets. Have you and your spouse discussed mediation? That can often be a cost-effective way to work towards a resolution and move on with your life. Try not to let communication issues stop you from trying to work something out with your spouse. Utilize a mediator, a divorce coach, or your attorneys. The sooner you can start talking settlement with your spouse the better.

Remember that the court is there is decide legal issues only. The court does not really care about what caused the breakdown in the marriage. Illinois is a “no-fault” divorce state, so it doesn’t matter what you or your spouse did or did not do in the marriage. If you want a divorce, you can get a divorce.

During Divorce Time Is Money

Remember that time is money. The less time your divorce takes, the more money you will likely save in the long run. Don’t let yesterday’s and today’s emotions negatively impact your life tomorrow.

5. Stay Calm and Informed

While it may sound easier said than done, staying calm and informed during the divorce process is key to avoiding an ugly divorce. Emotional reactions can escalate conflict in your day-to-day life and hinder productive discussions during negotiations. Stay informed of your legal rights and responsibilities throughout the process and empowers you to make informed decisions.

Visit our Chicago Divorce Attorney page to learn more

Choose the Right Divorce Attorney

If you are wondering if the time is right to proceed with a divorce or if your spouse has already made that decision for you it’s important to seek sound legal advice. Choosing a skilled and experienced divorce attorney that is right for you can make all the difference. If you are in the Chicago area, feel free to contact the experienced divorce attorneys at Anderson and Boback for a free consultation.




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